I Have a Bone To Pick...
With the guys, namely Andy Grabia, over at Sports Matters . Generally speaking, I enjoy their work, but today's post about the greatest nicknames in sports definitely has some flaws.
First off, I enjoy the way that they broke it down by major sport, but there definitely should have been an extra top-10 list for those athletes not from hockey, baseball, football or basketball. They induct Muhammad Ali into their Hall of Fame, you're telling me he doesn't earn a place alongside say, "The Big Easy" Ernie Els and Eldrick "Tiger" Woods and "Sugar" Ray Robinson/Leonard? In fact, we'll take those four, mix them with "The Bronx Bull" Jake LaMotta, "Iron" Mike Tyson, "Flo-Jo" for starting the whole fucking syllable abbreviation nickname thing, "The Golden Bear" Jack Nicklaus, Craig "The Walrus" Stadler, Bjorn "Ice Borg" Borg and "The Flying Tomato" Shaun White (This is what happens when you let snowboarders win Olympic Medals), in a top-10 list of non-major sports nicknames.
Now, my biggest deviation comes with their basketball list:
Basketball Honourable Mention: The Big Fundamental (Tim Duncan), Pistol Pete
(Pete Maravich), His Airness (Michael Jordan), The Glide (Clyde Drexler),
Black
Mamba (Kobe Bryant), The Dream (Hakeem Olajuwon), Big Nasty (Corliss
Williamson), The Dunkin' Dutchman (Rik Smits), The Pearl (Earl Monroe), The
Big
O (Oscar Robertson), The Houdini of the Hardwood (Bob Cousy), The Cooz
(Bob
Cousy),The Kandi Man (Michael Olowokandi), The Rain Man (Shawn Kemp),
The Spider (John Salley), The Truth (Paul Pierce), The X-Man (Xavier Xavier
McDaniel), Zeke from Cabin Creek (Jerry West)
10. The Grand Teuton
(Detlef Schrempf)
9. The Glove (Gary Payton)
8. The Mailman (Karl
Malone)
7. The Iceman (George Gervin)
6. The Human Highlight Reel
(Dominique Wilkins)
5. Grandma-ma (Larry Johnson)
4. Chocolate Thunder
(Darryl Dawkins)
3. The Round Mound of Rebound (Charles Barkley)
2. The
Basketball Jesus (Larry Bird)
1. The Big Aristotle (Shaquille O'Neal)
Let's start with the honourable mentions. They don't even give a whiff to "The Big Dipper" Wilt "The Stilt" Chamberlain. Shawn Kemp's nickname is "The Reign Man" because he reigns over the hoop. It is a play on words to the rain in Seattle, not a direct reference. Also, Kobe called himself "Black Mamba", so it shouldn't really count. This brings me to my next point: There is no way Shaq makes the top of this list. The Big Aristotle isn't even his most used nickname, AND it is self-appointed. Good nicknames can't be self-appointed. They just don't work that way. Also not deserving of spots in the top ten are "Grandma-ma" Larry Johnson and The Grand Teuton. Not that those aren't amusing/good nicknames, but the NBA features guys like Earl "the Pearl" Monroe and "Pistol" Pete Maravich whose nicknames have taken the place of their last names. I have never heard Detlef Schrempf referred to as "The Grand Teuton", nor have I heard Earl Monroe referred to as anything but "Earl the Pearl". Same goes with Pistol Pete, Clyde Frazier and Clyde "The Glide" Drexler.
Next Up:
Historically, I think football has the worst nicknames of all. It was
not
until the arrival of Chris Berman that football finally saw a renaissance in
nickname giving. The vast majority of Boomer's names do not make my lists,
as I
have already done a post on his wondrous
work.His nicknames often do not stick, either. They are used by him and
by
fans, but you won't usually see them in print or on things like
posters.
Now, Andy must not have paid much attention to the NFL in the past year because both Pacman Jones and Cadillac Williams have ascended to "no first name" territory after only one season. Also, neither is a Berman-given nickname.
I have some issues with the NHL list as well, namely with Pat Verbeek, Ken Linesman and Kent Nilsson, but I'm going to chalk a lot of that up to Oiler Bias and the desire for their list to reflect not the important nicknames, but the obscure-ish ones that sound funny. I just think it's a little inconsistent that the Baseball and Football list have the classic, well known nicknames, but the hockey and basketball ones are filled with the obscure-yet-somewhat-amusing.
posted by Paul O-the O stands for Sports @ 12:10 PM
8 comments
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8 Comments:
Hey,
Thanx for the link. And bad on me for the Kemp error. I have fixed it. As to your other points:
a) I thought about doing a boxing and a soccer list, but I am lazy. Golf isn't a sport, so I didn't bother.
b) Assuredly, lots of good names were left off. I find it interesting that you gave me a hard time about my basketball choices because they are self-given or aren't as pervasive in our culture as others, but left off the most pervasive name of them all: Magic.
d) Good call on Pac Man and Cadillac, but that is a short list, which still proves my point. And I wonder if those nicknames were self-given?
e) Pat Verbeek never played for the Oilers. And the Nilsson nickname is the best because of what it means. They called him that because he liked to disappear in the corners. Not many players earn a nickname because of their negative attributes, and even fewer of those names sound positive before they are explained.
My criterion was pretty basic; I won't deny it. But I wasn't terribly worried about it being inconsistent, because to me it wasn't. I just picked names that endured, made me giggle, or were just plain cool. The beauty of all lists like this, in the end, is that they create discussion. People come up with their own lists, and people argue about what name is better and why. All of that is super, and I hope it continues.
Again, thanx for the link.
Personally, I like Andrei Kirilenko's "AK-47" and think that it should have made the honourable mention cut. (I'm clearly more up on my new-school hoops nicknames, sue me...)
I mean, there may not really be anything to it - you know, since it's just his initials and number - but I can dig how the whole him being a Russian (good at both shooting and defending), and the AK-47 being a Russian assault rifle (perfect for both shooting and defending) thing ties together. And it's not self-applied either; former Utah Jazz guard Quincy Lewis was the first to call him on it.
Damn, I was gonna say that Magic was left off the list. Nick, good call on AK47. Also, your picture of Borat may well be the greatest thing ever.
I think Shaq could have gotten his own top-10 list of nicknames, but yeah, the Big Aristotle was more of a flash in the pan monicker. Shaq-Daddy, Shaq-Diesel, even Shaq-Fu would have been better choices in my mind.
Oh, I have devoted an entire post to Shaq Daddy. Feel free to peruse.
Leaving Magic off my comment was a glaring error on my behalf, stemming from me forgetting he wasn't named Magic.
Pacman and Cadillac are both nicknames givcen to them in college (actually, I think Cadillac even goes back to high school)
I know Verbeek wasn't an Oiler. He just got lumped in with guys I didn;'t necessarily agree with on the list (okay, that's sort of a lie, The Rat is one of the better nicknames in hockey), the other two of which were Oilers.
I understand the meaning behind Nilsson's nickname, but to claim it's the best of hokcey-time is absurd. Hell, "Big Jussi Rebound" is a punnier nickname along the same lines, and I don't hear you applauding that one. Funny? Absolutely. Deserving of a place at the top of the list of hockey nicknames? come on.
Also, we both left out "Oil Can" Boyd, who at least deserves honourable mention in baseball.
Worth noting: the Oil Can is the name of the most disgusting/scary bar I've ever been to in my life.
Oil Can was indeed a glaring omission.
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